Ghostwriting No. 5: How Booksellers Know There's a Recession On

Those of you who have been around the shop much know I don't get out much. In fact, I rely on my friends for news of the world, my mother for the weather report, and (I'm sorry, it's really morbid, but it's true) sudden runs on the works of a certain author to tell me that author is no longer in this world.

But there are ten certain signs that tell me the recession is finally hitting the Haunted Bookshop, and here they are:

10. Charles Bukowski books that actually make it from the shelving pile to the actual shelf and even stay there for long periods of time

9. Ditto Richard Brautigan

8. Ditto Vladimir Nabokov

7. Ditto The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

6. Ditto Billy Collins

5. Ditto Jacques Derrida (and there are almost twenty of his titles in Continental Philosophy)

4. Ditto Neil Gaiman

3. Ditto Kurt Vonnegut

And the top two indicators:

2. More than three quarters of our guests come in looking sad and nervous, many already talking about how they are only going to look because they can't buy.

1. Over twenty people a day selling books - over half of whom don't want to sell but can't make the rent/utility/etc. payment if they don't.

This is heartbreaking. We'll try to help in any way we can, but really, if it's this bad out there, we'll all need something even better than a kitten ankle rub and a friendly greeting, won't we? Ideas? How can we help you smile?